Breaking the rules and Breaking patterns

Trials come in all shapes and sizes. From getting charged with a felony to upsetting your mother when you don't come downstairs on time, and today was just full of them! I have no idea how all of this fits together, or how terrifying it is when you think your life is over. I'm willing to quit doing anything illegal if it means I will never feel that way again. Worrying about whether or not my boyfriend is getting busted, or my best friend...or myself. Horrific events folks, horrific.

Let's be positive though, because after all life does has it's UPS and downs. I actually got to see my boyfriend for a decent amount of time, one on one. For once!!!!!! and may I just say, he will be the only reason I survive school this week. along with three of the best friends a girl could ask for. I have gotten so many videos, messages and calls of people saying how much they cherish my friendship. Well you guys are the earbuds to my ipod, the charger to my cell phone, the power behind my life. I love you all so dearly. : )

Brandon Patrick, you just saved my life.

Brandon Garry: Best day of my life :)

I just came across that as a photo comment on my facebook. What was just another trip to la crosse for me...probably changed my exboyfriends life. It's amazing when you realize how connected everything is. Simple gestures, hugs, smiles...change people's days. I sometimes forget the impact I can have on people. I guess killing myself would be a bad idea. : )

Kickin' it...with Jesus

UMYS 2010-great speakers. bad food. great music. bad skits. great time

Silverline made the weekend pretty amazing, as I got Ryan (lead singers) autograph who doesn't think I'm a creeper : ) and watching Andrew (keyboards) dance like Hannah Montanna-what could be better than that.

Dr. Seuss really closed the weekend well, or should I say the woman that gave the final sermon.
you can't spend your whole life at UMYS or on Mission Trips~ you have to go be a disciple of Christ in placest not so pretty as your holy mountain. I wish I was that holy roller all the time

So I came home, spent Valentines day with like 7 of my friends and my boyfriend. watched wizard of oz and went on an adventure, cleaned up with caring friends and slept the day away. A pretty good use of a three day weekend I'd say.

God is Good-All the Time.

let's add a touch of illegal activity

My life is my life to be lived as I will live it. I will listen to your opinion, but not always your advice. I'm so sick of my so called friends crying over a little burned plant. It's not heroin, meth, or even acid. and STILL I get worried about and insulted and looked down upon. Earth to you, it's Winona. Everyone will try it. Some will do it. and Some will sell it. It's not the end of the world, or the end of my life. So suck it betches : )

However, I still respect your opinions. I dont' do drugs around my friends that don't like it nor anywhere near their houses and families. Winterfest will be a sober occasion, maybe a caffeine pill or two. 2:30, aspen's house for makeup. 4:00 Dani's house to get dressed and hair. 7:30 dinner with EVERYONE. 9:00 Dance. 12:30 Perkins. 7am Church. 1:00 Pork n Pops. a hectic few days. I hate being busy. also i've realized I hate going to parties. I'd rather have you all here. Eating my food and trashing my house, as strange as that sounds.

Homecoming? My last boyfriend ditched me for senior girls and was on drugs.
This time, a new boyfriend is going on drugs--hopefully he will actually spend (some) time with me. I'm not asking for miracles, just some slow dances. : )

I promise, I'm not obsessive like her. But I think about you all the time, Is that bad?<3

Just another small town saturday night

Katie-I miss you. you were like a grandmother to me and I'll never forget that. I always loved your stories about when you were a little girl so I saved one of your school books from your nieces, I know you wouldn't mind. I'm glad you didn't have to see this winter, I know how much you didn't like it. I feel like I know so much, yet so little. Always in my heart Katie, forever : )

Now as if writing to a deceased person doesn't make me dorky enough.

I don't know if I have a boyfriend or not. and I usually make fun of girls who don't know how to answer the question "Are you single"...now I see it can be complicated. Except it shouldn't be. I like you : ) and I'll wait til you realize you don't like anyone but me.

I don't want to get up for church tomorrow, it's cold and I want to snuggle all day with my elephant and my ipod. However life doesn't get put on hold for such wants. Auditions for a youth play are tomorrow and I am still contemplating if I even want to do it-it's always such a joke. But how are we going to change something if we just push it aside?

but...after the ordeal of auditions I get the pleasure of dying my friends beautiful ginger hair, bleach white. because she wants me to and that's that. She gets what she wants because I love her. : ) I am looking forward to an afternoon with the ginger rebel and hearing all the latest gossip and of course telling her mine. We have the potential to be best friends, but we never make it. Maybe this time around will be different.

Maybe this time will be different in a lot of ways. Remember things don't change unless you also change your view point.
Who knew...on just a small town saturday night.
<3

Time...

So, my tank tops on inside out and backwards, and i'm wearing lizzie mcquire pajama pants-
no I did not just have sex. : ) I was trying on my winterfest dress, because after all it is next saturday already. Where does the time go, It's going to be February soon. This means a number of things that are a part of life as a wshs theatrical musically talented teenager.

First of all, with winterfest shopping out of the way, shoes, dress, hair and all It's time to send my thoughts to my mothers birthday. What does the most amazing woman I know want to recieve on her 41st birthday? Oh well, I'll make it a good day none the less. : ) Also, that night is the Cat's Pajamas, a mens acapella group at wms. It shall be amazing, nothing like double dating with your parents!

Next on the agenda...Valentines day. Now, I've never cared much for the whole fake celebration other than I'm extremely cheesy and think it's adorable. Therefore, feel free to spoil me and get me an embaressing card or two ; ) However this year, I shall be...at UMYS all of V-day weekend. United Methodist Youth..weekend ish thing. Take some classes, see a concert, meet some people. Who wouldn't want to do that with their best friend? Pssshhh.

Now, on another note entirely. The last few days have been bliss. Happy, guilt free bliss. and I'm living off a quote from my friend that said "Don't rush it megz, this could be so real you shouldn't take any chances"

What will it take to make or break this hint of love?--We need time...only time.

So tell me, do you wish we'd fall in love?

Hello again : )
and welcome to the wonderful world of a new semester!
No more math,
no more functions of x and y
and no more trig ratios--shall we all have a drink?

I love the excitement of new terms, I make an effort to look nice, sucking up to a new batch of teacher all that jazz. Something about starting the day off with spanish three, going to choir, having a Mann class with Dani, and then p.e with my friends just made the day seem positive. As much as I do dread physical education. : (

On another note, someone said something the other day that has just stayed with me.
well actually, a couple of things because they contradicted each other in a few ways and I am officially pathetic for analyzing conversations to this extreme.
oh well, I'm happily pathetic.

-when he say he couldn't see himself in a relationship with her long term, my immediate thoughts were well, can you see yourself with me? and is it because you're attracted to guys?

okay, if you knew my circumstances-the second would not be a suprise however I'm hoping that's not the case.

so does that mean he doesnt want a relationship at all? or maybe he wants one too much?
these are the things that keep me awake, trivial-random nonsense. : )

also, say whatever helps you sleep at night, that none of this will matter and detach yourself from everything. then you're not living, you're putting life on hold...till after highschool, after college, after you travel...you'll run out of time. and that's scary.
so face it, hold my hand and realize that i want this... us to matter to you. and it terrifies me that you might write it off as just highschool, just a girl...just...just...nothing.

but I think this is different-because when I'm babbling you think I make perfect sense.
and to me, that matters.


wow, a Rihanna song just came on my shuffle, that's weird.

so recently, I've been conflicted because I don't seem to know how to say no. I would really like to learn this skill as i feel it would come in handy every so often.

Hanging out with someone I've never met-one on one-that my best friend got bad vibes from..
should say no...I think I'll just make up an excuse, wow I'm usually so opinionated but I need to grow some balls here.

also-when an ex wants back in your life, that you really don't want involved in any aspect of your choices, daily life, or anythign else. Then you should say no. and make them believe it. and don't give it. I really need to work on this one, do you think there's a class for this?

But don't let that confuse you, I know what I want to a certain extent. an comfortable amount of acceptance of change and knowing what I refuse to lose. Not again.

This is making me angry, and that's not how a decent day should end.

I am thankful for getting a great second semester schedule.
for reconnecting with an old, good friend.
for my parents being understanding and forgiving.
and for the person who's been texting me all night, continually making me smile.

G'night.

I just wanna live...I wish I could breathe.

hawthorne heights. the loving resort of all down times.
<3

I always say the wrong thing, and it never quite pleases anyone.
My opinions are too harsh, and I have a problem with trust and respect.
I had to have the advanced algebra lesson taught to me 5 times today.
I am such an epic failure sometimes.

I just don't understand why it matters so much?

I hate fighting with my dad-but he doesn't wait to listen to anything I actually think or feel. just jumps to the conclusion that I'm a typical drug addicted ignorant teenager.

I can't wait for church....I really need some church.
2 more days....

: /

What if...

16 years old, healthy, good family, above average grades. Ya know, one would think that she's just starting out.

but you know, the world of gymnastics doesn't.
they see her, as old, broken and no longer worth the time of day.

at the age of 16, you're old in gymnastics.
as a sophomore.

it's pathetic. and that's why we still love it.

after it kills us and then gives us a moment to shine. (followed by another murderous practice)

I'd do anything to go back. and see what it would be like if I hadn't of quit when things got rough.

because hell, I'm a lot stronger now and I'd love to know....What if...

Hello New Decade : D

Who can resist the new years posting?

With a new laptop, Thanks Grandparents! and a red bull I am completely set for this.

2009 brought many things, it changed my life.

a lot of bad choices, quite a few
I truly regret a lot of what happened.


I don't want to say that about 2010.

Truly, I believe you and me can do anything.
we'll both get jobs, bodies we want, and the adventures we're longing for.

Let's start this thing off right.

Quotations

These are simply a few of my favorite quotes that I've found over a period of time...



"before you follow in someone's footsteps, make sure they're headed in the right direction"
-unknown

"I just...don't know what to do Megan"
-alex cyert

"Where the fuck is Gavin?! Shit, he's on my ass. Fuck I'm going 40!"
-Derek Sveen

"Since it's Christmas, and we tell the truth around the holidays. I want you to know that to me....you are perfect"
-Love Actually

"Just remember to love the little things in life, Like running in the rain."
-Hinder

"I spend a lot of time with my dog, he's pretty cool"
-Jean Leighton

"If this text pisses me off, I'm going to scream fuck really loud"
-Lee Boetcher

"It's great that people in the demographic, are listening to the word of the Gap...They are now disciples of plaid"
-Pastor Justin

"you're beating with a book, everyone that the book tells you to love."
-unknown

"Maybe I should take my clothes off now?"
-Gabsy Anderson

"I want you to know that I am both happy and sad, and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."
-Charlie, Perks of being a wallflower

"I may not follow my religion, but I'm definitely a CHRISTIAN"
-unknown

"Life is like a play, it is not the length that is important, but the excellence of the acting"
-unknown

Radiohead rawr.

Happy Birthday to Me~

I am now 16, with no license not even a permit and no job. I am so accomplished : )
Spending the day with my best friend-shopping, eating, and looking at christmas lights in La Crosse. Now doesn't that sound like a rad way to spend your sixteenth birthday? I think so.

With one friend deciding to enlist in the military, and another lacking a will to even pass his classes I'm at a loss for what to say. Hopefully, everything will work out in the end. It has to, if it's not okay...it's not the end.

I have a new goal, it's to spend no more then 16 dollars an clothes...there is just so much good stuff out there if you're willing to dig! I mean, Jeggings for $4.00? ah-mazing. I am in desperate need of a camera. I haven't taken a new picture in months : (

Les Poling (curse him) got me addicted to gangsta music and radiohead. I don't like either. Stupid Gorgeous Boy.


Summer, Where are you? I lost you in all this white, icey stuff.
<--Mugby trips and Marching Band.
Beach Parties and gettin' Blazed.

Tank tops, Bandannas and Converse.
Hemp Necklaces and Hot Weather.

Man, I can really say.
Summer, I miss you<3

Let it snow, Let it snow, Let us sing.

I am in shock that it is already December! This year seems to be going by faster that I could have imagined. Already into second term with a speech, research, and a test to study for I have been so busy with academics alone. However I am finding time for what I actually enjoy.

Chamber choir season is in full swing as Christmas is fast approaching. The group of people I stand alongside at those events truly make my life happier. The choir room is definitely where you'll find me in WSHS when I'm not around. Tonight is the Messiah at WSU and I am eagerly waiting for that experience. Then Monday night comes our winter full choir concert at Pleasant Valley Church. My, my, practices there are chilly! Hopefully, everyone will hit their notes, our chords will sound right and no one will forget to clap during "There'll Be Joy" : )

I sometimes forget how much I truly love spending time with my mom. Last night, her and I adventured to La Crosse shopped for CD's and Christmas Ornaments and had a nice meal at Rocky Rococos. All in all, I've been having a blast the last few days.

Hopefully, I can find some time to relax today because I definitely need some!

Let's Commence

So, the idea of blogging seemed really good at the time. Although as all new things seem to do it has since gotten lost in the sea of busyness that is my life. Hopefully, I can return to a semi-regular amount of entries to keep the world up to date...by world I mean the few that care enough to read. : )

As first term has come to an end, I must say I am proud of my grades. Receiving straight A's with the exception of a B+ in Advanced Algebra I now have a standard to keep up. As I looked at my cumulative GPA, I realized how much I had screwed myself over freshmen year. Stupid. Stupid mistake. However, I learned from that and hopefully can avoid it in the future.

With the holidays comes the stress, love, and tradition that are so abundant in my families household. As we prepare to host Thanksgiving dinner, throw a Pampered Chef party, and decorate with our multiple Christmas trees we are learning to appreciate each others talents with less yelling than past years. I have been busy, desperately trying to organize my bedroom in such a way that I can fit in my own Christmas tree but I'm having no such luck. Good thing I've still got over a month to work it out!

With a broken camera, no money, and no social life as I've been grounded and will be for awhile--I lack a great deal of things to talk about.

alas, I shall be going off to paint my nails.

Question: What comes to mind first when you think of the holiday season?

Love...F...f....or...ever?

I want this to be the real thing.

I want this to last forever.

Being with you makes me so happy.

Being without you makes me cry.

I'm sorry I get jealous.

I'm sorry that I lie.

You really are important to me.

and you have a right to stay that way.

I wrote this because I'm mad at you and I did not want to start a fight.
Maybe tomorrow will be better, than this kinda, sorta, Good, Good Night.

Back To Reality

It's good to be back in the midst of good graces with the people I enjoy spending time with. In this moment of great feeling I've gone back to my style that truly makes me happy.

Black, Bright Colors, Plaid, Chains, Fishnets, Eyeliner=<3

A couple of nights ago, I attended a great camp out in which I had the chance to see a group of friends I hadn't seen in quite some time. Juan Cavasos throws great parties, simple but that's fine we still have a kickass time. Some highlights were Tall Chris and Danjerr tackling Juan out of trees,
Josh hardcore dancing, and watching warped tour videos.

Don't get me started on how beyond jealous I am of all of them that have been to Warped tour multiple times already.

Overall, it's been a good couple days.

A familar situation

A couple Februaries ago, a close find of mine at the time came out to me. It's quite a shock when one of you're best friends confides something like that in you, but all the same a wonderful feeling of being trusted. So the other night when a new friend had "something to tell me" I was almost expecting the same thing, but then I thought to myself I'm just being silly. Turns out I'm better at reading people than I thought. ; )

My last few days have been absolutely boring since I have been more or less grounded from the people I spend a majority of my time with. My boyfriend, Danjerr along with Julia and Jose take up most of my days and nights. Throw in Ryan and trips to the pool, late night park talks, and the endless search for a better high--I spend no time alone. So these past couple days have been quite a reality check for me, in which I have realized a few key things.

1. I am an only child and I am all my parents have.
2. Typical 15 year old girls can't say they've had their boyfriend sleep in over in their room ever, let alone often.
3. My parents really are quite awesome.
4. Danjerr is more important to me than I thought.

1-If I act carelessly, and something happens to me. I would personally be responsible for the suicide of my mother. and the depression into drinking the would inevitably happen to my father. That alone is enough to make me stop doing drugs, drinking excessively, and cutting myself.

2-I've been pretty lucky with having very understanding parents, so whenever my friends of broken homes need somewhere to stay mine is at the top of the list. This of course includes my long term love affair, Danjerr. On more than several occasions he's crashed on the couch, only to wander upstairs halfway through the night protesting that he "just couldn't sleep." I guess we pushed a limit or two the other night since he slept in my bed all night and we awoke to my father screaming. All in all it was a learning experience.

3-Spending time with my mom has always been easy, seeing as though I'm one of her best friends. However lately I've realized that my dad and I can have some pretty crazy times as well. Such as road trips to parades, bon fires, and looking up at the stars.

4-The trials of this relationship are soap opera worthy so I'm not going to go into them. However, in the past oh month or two it has dawned on me how important to me he is. I'm not letting him go this time, I'm talking Bella type loyalty. (desperation as well). Though he'll probably never read this, Danj I love you, always have just haven't always shown it. You've truly made me believe that together we can do anything and I'm looking forward to trying. <3


I think that gets us up to date, doesn't it?

Time flies when you're a deceitful bitch

My, my it's been almost two weeks since I've posted a thing!

I've been thinking about why and then it finally dawned on me.

If you're entire life becomes a lie it makes it harder to write about it for the world to see on the internet. When you keep secrets from everyone, including your own mother, best friend and boyfriend....something is probably....fucked up.

so excuse while I go try to salvage my life.

Cut Out Cookie Fun!

My family along with Julia made decorated cut out cookies for the boyfriends today.

my fathers, my mothers, mine, and Julia's.

It was an event.

Quite fun indeed.

then we went to a pirate themed party in white we played yahtzee for boose, and then we went for a coldstone trip.

I'm still recovering from that party ; )

sorry for the random short post.

Most in depth next time!

Oh the stress of converging friend groups

Summer means no boundaries. No lame restrictions on who to talk to and more opportunities to meet new people. The closer school approaches the more fearful I am that none of my friends will accept my boyfriend and it will be a miserable experience. However for the first time I'm not worried about trying to impress them. I've spent my summer with him and I look forward to spending my fall, winter and spring with him.

So with the idea that summer is in it's last month of glory, I've been party planning. Gotta get in a few more bonfires, a few more crazy times, a few more memories.

Speaking of which, I now have company.

Adios.