Just another small town saturday night

Katie-I miss you. you were like a grandmother to me and I'll never forget that. I always loved your stories about when you were a little girl so I saved one of your school books from your nieces, I know you wouldn't mind. I'm glad you didn't have to see this winter, I know how much you didn't like it. I feel like I know so much, yet so little. Always in my heart Katie, forever : )

Now as if writing to a deceased person doesn't make me dorky enough.

I don't know if I have a boyfriend or not. and I usually make fun of girls who don't know how to answer the question "Are you single"...now I see it can be complicated. Except it shouldn't be. I like you : ) and I'll wait til you realize you don't like anyone but me.

I don't want to get up for church tomorrow, it's cold and I want to snuggle all day with my elephant and my ipod. However life doesn't get put on hold for such wants. Auditions for a youth play are tomorrow and I am still contemplating if I even want to do it-it's always such a joke. But how are we going to change something if we just push it aside?

but...after the ordeal of auditions I get the pleasure of dying my friends beautiful ginger hair, bleach white. because she wants me to and that's that. She gets what she wants because I love her. : ) I am looking forward to an afternoon with the ginger rebel and hearing all the latest gossip and of course telling her mine. We have the potential to be best friends, but we never make it. Maybe this time around will be different.

Maybe this time will be different in a lot of ways. Remember things don't change unless you also change your view point.
Who knew...on just a small town saturday night.
<3

Time...

So, my tank tops on inside out and backwards, and i'm wearing lizzie mcquire pajama pants-
no I did not just have sex. : ) I was trying on my winterfest dress, because after all it is next saturday already. Where does the time go, It's going to be February soon. This means a number of things that are a part of life as a wshs theatrical musically talented teenager.

First of all, with winterfest shopping out of the way, shoes, dress, hair and all It's time to send my thoughts to my mothers birthday. What does the most amazing woman I know want to recieve on her 41st birthday? Oh well, I'll make it a good day none the less. : ) Also, that night is the Cat's Pajamas, a mens acapella group at wms. It shall be amazing, nothing like double dating with your parents!

Next on the agenda...Valentines day. Now, I've never cared much for the whole fake celebration other than I'm extremely cheesy and think it's adorable. Therefore, feel free to spoil me and get me an embaressing card or two ; ) However this year, I shall be...at UMYS all of V-day weekend. United Methodist Youth..weekend ish thing. Take some classes, see a concert, meet some people. Who wouldn't want to do that with their best friend? Pssshhh.

Now, on another note entirely. The last few days have been bliss. Happy, guilt free bliss. and I'm living off a quote from my friend that said "Don't rush it megz, this could be so real you shouldn't take any chances"

What will it take to make or break this hint of love?--We need time...only time.

So tell me, do you wish we'd fall in love?

Hello again : )
and welcome to the wonderful world of a new semester!
No more math,
no more functions of x and y
and no more trig ratios--shall we all have a drink?

I love the excitement of new terms, I make an effort to look nice, sucking up to a new batch of teacher all that jazz. Something about starting the day off with spanish three, going to choir, having a Mann class with Dani, and then p.e with my friends just made the day seem positive. As much as I do dread physical education. : (

On another note, someone said something the other day that has just stayed with me.
well actually, a couple of things because they contradicted each other in a few ways and I am officially pathetic for analyzing conversations to this extreme.
oh well, I'm happily pathetic.

-when he say he couldn't see himself in a relationship with her long term, my immediate thoughts were well, can you see yourself with me? and is it because you're attracted to guys?

okay, if you knew my circumstances-the second would not be a suprise however I'm hoping that's not the case.

so does that mean he doesnt want a relationship at all? or maybe he wants one too much?
these are the things that keep me awake, trivial-random nonsense. : )

also, say whatever helps you sleep at night, that none of this will matter and detach yourself from everything. then you're not living, you're putting life on hold...till after highschool, after college, after you travel...you'll run out of time. and that's scary.
so face it, hold my hand and realize that i want this... us to matter to you. and it terrifies me that you might write it off as just highschool, just a girl...just...just...nothing.

but I think this is different-because when I'm babbling you think I make perfect sense.
and to me, that matters.


wow, a Rihanna song just came on my shuffle, that's weird.

so recently, I've been conflicted because I don't seem to know how to say no. I would really like to learn this skill as i feel it would come in handy every so often.

Hanging out with someone I've never met-one on one-that my best friend got bad vibes from..
should say no...I think I'll just make up an excuse, wow I'm usually so opinionated but I need to grow some balls here.

also-when an ex wants back in your life, that you really don't want involved in any aspect of your choices, daily life, or anythign else. Then you should say no. and make them believe it. and don't give it. I really need to work on this one, do you think there's a class for this?

But don't let that confuse you, I know what I want to a certain extent. an comfortable amount of acceptance of change and knowing what I refuse to lose. Not again.

This is making me angry, and that's not how a decent day should end.

I am thankful for getting a great second semester schedule.
for reconnecting with an old, good friend.
for my parents being understanding and forgiving.
and for the person who's been texting me all night, continually making me smile.

G'night.

I just wanna live...I wish I could breathe.

hawthorne heights. the loving resort of all down times.
<3

I always say the wrong thing, and it never quite pleases anyone.
My opinions are too harsh, and I have a problem with trust and respect.
I had to have the advanced algebra lesson taught to me 5 times today.
I am such an epic failure sometimes.

I just don't understand why it matters so much?

I hate fighting with my dad-but he doesn't wait to listen to anything I actually think or feel. just jumps to the conclusion that I'm a typical drug addicted ignorant teenager.

I can't wait for church....I really need some church.
2 more days....

: /

What if...

16 years old, healthy, good family, above average grades. Ya know, one would think that she's just starting out.

but you know, the world of gymnastics doesn't.
they see her, as old, broken and no longer worth the time of day.

at the age of 16, you're old in gymnastics.
as a sophomore.

it's pathetic. and that's why we still love it.

after it kills us and then gives us a moment to shine. (followed by another murderous practice)

I'd do anything to go back. and see what it would be like if I hadn't of quit when things got rough.

because hell, I'm a lot stronger now and I'd love to know....What if...

Hello New Decade : D

Who can resist the new years posting?

With a new laptop, Thanks Grandparents! and a red bull I am completely set for this.

2009 brought many things, it changed my life.

a lot of bad choices, quite a few
I truly regret a lot of what happened.


I don't want to say that about 2010.

Truly, I believe you and me can do anything.
we'll both get jobs, bodies we want, and the adventures we're longing for.

Let's start this thing off right.